It's not getting any easier. I know it's been a couple of months but I've been busy, unwell and away. And I'm so tired. It's been brought home to me recently how much you meant to other people, I mean, I knew really but circumstances have demonstrated beyond measure what you meant to others - it made me feel quite selfish with my grief in a way. I know that's absurd but when you spend time thinking 'I know you're sad too but c'mon, you're not me...' it kinda hits home when someone has a breakdown that has been triggered ultimately by your death. Looks like Bryan's on his last legs. He's been very ill in hospital for a couple of months now and although there's been some improvement, he's not in the first flush is he? Plus I don't know that he's cares enough to go on living. (I don't know why I keep putting news items in here, it's supposed to be some kind of therapy for me - I don't really believe you're...