Grief thoughts

 Just over five months now, my love. Heart-breaking as ever of course, but this last week I think has been as bad as any. I think I've run out of energy for the various distraction projects and I've been (well, technically, am) unwell; horrible indigestion, bloating and a bit cold-y. I'm still a bit worried about my lungs - chest gets a bit tight sometimes. I mean, it's probably anxiety and a bit of cold but I'm going to keep a weather eye on it (I promise). Anyway, what news? Since I last wrote I've run into trouble in the spare room, the plug needs replacing but it's turned out to be more problematic than it ought to be - bloody electricians. The whole room has been on hold while I wait for a spacer and then being ill but I hope I'll have the energy to get on with it tomorrow. I haven't touched the hall at all since last time. I started doing Inktober didn't I? Well that's fallen by the wayside too sadly but I will pick it up again in some ...

It's been a couple of weeks, one of which was pretty bad, mentally; anxiety attacks, stress illness, the works. I'm ok again now, and my prostate blood test came back negative which is great even though Dr Garland still thinks a finger test is worth it to be sure, so that's next week. Tonight I had my first steak  since you died, quite tasty but truth be told I don't love them as much as you did but they are easy meals for one. That's been quite tricky, menu planning. I've lost much of the will to cook. I make myself make a pot meal (curry, chilli etc) at least once a fortnight (which supplies leftovers for the freezer) and have something else simple cooked from scratch once a week, but ready meals are so good these days, it's just easier not to have to think. People, I think, underestimate how difficult it is to make something nice when there's no-one to share it. I am giving up buttered crumpets though! My waistline has suffered a lot through all the c...