Grief thoughts

Here we are, less than 2 hours from the New Year. I'm going to write this and then go to bed - early start plus I don't feel much like seeing out The. Worst. Year. Ever., notwithstanding whatever wishes the new one brings, it will still be at least a bit shit without you. I read a post earlier about how someone was dreading the new year because they'd be entering a year without their loved one (father, I think) who'd died and they felt like they'd be leaving them behind. I want to leave 2024 behind, somehow I hope to leave sick and dying you there too and find happier memories resurfacing as time moves on. Obviously I don't know what the new year will actually bring, besides a lot of painful anniversaries, but I'm determined to make what I can of it (including getting a new laptop! - false economy this one, definitely) whatever that is. But I started a new painting today at least, which is something, and I haven't forgotten how to do it. I'm also off...

It's getting late on Christmas Eve. Adelaide and Charlotte are reading the books I got them for that Icelandic thing we do now (I've just put mine down), mum is reading something else and Michael has gone to bed. Mimi and Adam have taken Hank home which is a relief to the cats. It's been a good day thus far, the Ham was as good as last year but not as big so there'll be less cold sadly. It's only now, after a frantic build-up, and the party, that I've found a moment to reflect. Of course I miss you dreadfully - do you have any idea how much work this is for one person to keep on top of? Of course you do, I know there were years that I was less than totally helpful but I got there in the end didn't I? Wasn't last year perfect? How were we to know it'd be your last? The tree is loaded with presents as ever, which has provided an adventure playground for Dinah/Miss Mischief. Getting it from Wyld's Farm was different this year - I took the girls (and...

God knows it's been an awful few weeks. My cold that was developing last time came along in full blown spitefulness with an accompanying cough that is still lingering a little weeks later. Being unwell stopped me from visiting Terry in hospital but I was at least able to take him back up there after they'd let him out too early. It's been miserable, I've struggled to get anything done on days I haven't had something I've had to do. So what have I managed to do?  Mike and Bev came down and we spent the day on the island visiting mum, lunch at the Lifeboat of course. They're both doing well, as is mum - although she's given up on the in-ear hearing aids because they make it worse (I know)! Mac and the two Adams took me out for my birthday, so that was better than it might have been. Amelia took your ticket to Bellowhead and thoroughly enjoyed it which took a bit of the edge off it being the last thing we had arranged together. Beyond that, Mimi and I wen...