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Dear Sarah,

 Just over five months now, my love. Heart-breaking as ever of course, but this last week I think has been as bad as any. I think I've run out of energy for the various distraction projects and I've been (well, technically, am) unwell; horrible indigestion, bloating and a bit cold-y. I'm still a bit worried about my lungs - chest gets a bit tight sometimes. I mean, it's probably anxiety and a bit of cold but I'm going to keep a weather eye on it (I promise).

Anyway, what news? Since I last wrote I've run into trouble in the spare room, the plug needs replacing but it's turned out to be more problematic than it ought to be - bloody electricians. The whole room has been on hold while I wait for a spacer and then being ill but I hope I'll have the energy to get on with it tomorrow. I haven't touched the hall at all since last time. I started doing Inktober didn't I? Well that's fallen by the wayside too sadly but I will pick it up again in some form.

Last Saturday I went out with Billie, Jeanette and Nikki so I had to tell your story again, through more tears than I'd thought. They were so supportive and it was a good night but I was already beginning to feel unwell so I was pretty much indisposed for the next three days. I was worried I wouldn't be able to go up to London this Friday but it was ok. Drove Mac up to Ads so we could go into Town, poke around and see a gig without worrying about missing the last train. We went into Piccadilly and had a nice time poking about the expensive places, I gave a nod to "our" cocktail bar in Selfridges, before having a nice Lebanese meal and going on to the Wallace collection. We also managed to take in the photography museum before going up to the venue - 229, at the top of Great Portland Street - to see Rachel Croft (remember her in the rain at Wickham?) Fantastic performance, great support, skeezy promoter. I also met a man whose first words were to say how, since his wife died ten years ago, he'd been to about 3000 gigs, football every week and hundreds of pubs. I was about to mention that you'd died in May but it seemed like he'd barely had any time to grieve and I decided I definitely did not want to be like him, this was denial in technicolour and not for me. Or maybe he just didn't like her? Ugh. It's exhausting but I'd rather be me right now.

Anyway, we got back to Ads by 1130, despite tube trouble, which we got laughed at for! You never know with London venues whether the last train will be catchable or not. Had a good sleep, Mac fixed the hum on the record player and after breakfast we had an uneventful trip home. And yesterday Pompey won their first game of the season! I've taken it easy today, juicing the rest of the quinces is all I've done (the first batch of quince jelly is so sweet it'll strip your teeth!).

Look out for Mimi eh?

Love always

R

p.s. my prostate is absolutely fine A+

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